It’s Darkthrone’s sandpit, we’re just playing in it

Permit me to perform a magic trick. Having not listened to a note of Darkthrone’s latest Darkthrone album, behold, as I begin typing a review:

“another fearless, authentic, and infectiously fun tour through classic 70s and 80s metal, track X leans more into the classic doom direction of the last three albums whilst track Y takes us back to the roots of German thrash, retaining elements of crust punk, by now a perennial Darkthrone trademark! The dynamic duo’s enthusiasm for all things metal and punk – primitive and raw – has not faded in the slightest. Fenriz’s quirky vocals are as infectious and charming as ever, as is their penchant for quality riffing worthy of their 80s idols”.

Tell me how I did in the comments and hit subscribe for more platitudes. But as I continue to shoot fish in this particular barrel I am also filled with a lurking dread. I have, in some sense, been had.  

Dependably contrary and wilful; you either buy into the Darkthrone dream, or you don’t. They don’t give a fuck, either way. They do it because they need to, not for your benefit. But here’s the rub, even if they don’t care what you think, I do. Because if you don’t buy in, your life is markedly less fun than it could be. A bit like choosing not to laugh at farts. And that makes me feel sad for you. It is that sadness that motivates me to write this down and to try to encourage you to listen to them. (Louder than War)

Reading the reviews of Darkthrone’s seventy thousandth album vindicates my longstanding fingers-in-ears-eyes-firmly-shut policy on this biennial event. There is no critical framework one could apply that would make sense. And certainly not one that would leave my dignity intact. I can’t help but agree with a recent Scale it Back YouTube video which argued that Darkthrone have transcended criticism. Especially as I survey the commentary on ‘Pre-Historic Metal’.

their current “era” is basically just Fenriz and Nocturno Culto grabbing their favorite ’70s and ’80s records, putting them in a blender and seeing what happens. Every Darkthrone record since 2013 has been basically a showcase of everything Fenriz and Nocturno love about metal music and culture… (Toilet ov Hell)

This doesn’t sound like the kind of thing that could or should be subjected to criticism worthy of the name. It’s nothing more than a fart to these people. It would be nothing short of churlish to gatecrash this love-in brandishing standards and caveats like firearms. Churlish, but maybe entirely necessary at this point. More than any other release event, something deeply sinister and disturbing lurks at the heart of the Darkthrone pageant. A rot at the very core of metal I can no longer ignore. A feckless cult of impotence, negation, an irrevocable immaturity cosplaying as its opposite.

To interrogate this suspicion, let’s start by asking if everyone is completely wrong. Common sense has it that black metal in its heyday was made and loved by immature people. Its canonical works continue to captivate audiences certainly, but the behaviour of its Norwegian progenitors in the early 90s was, outside of the serious crimes that were committed, just…a bit silly. The good eggs of this scene have aged out of whatever nonsense they got wrapped up in all those decades ago, cerebrally in the case of Enslaved, joyously in the case of Abbath, and wholesomely in the case of Darkthrone.

Bear with me on this, but let’s assume that the opposite is true. What if these musicians were onto something in their youth? Not just musically, but theoretically. A truth too dangerous and damaging for them to confront for any sustained length of time. Modern life is unbearably incoherent. It can be unconscionably boring. There is artistic value in reflecting back the utter insanity of a society creaking under the weight of its own contradictions. The inevitable result will be music beyond the bounds of acceptability.

Today, this is something everyone profoundly denies. Either sincerely, or reflexively, a kind of self-defence mechanism people deploy to avoid engaging with the possibility that their love of black metal might go beyond a mere aesthetic preference. From the musicians involved in the scene at the time to their contemporary cheerleaders in the music press to a vast spread of the fanbase. It cannot be otherwise because to pull at these threads comes with enormous risks. It’s the road less travelled for a good reason. It involves the indignity of taking black metal seriously again, of opening ourselves up to the possibility that black metal had value on its own terms and not those retroactively applied to it by the latter day saints of knowing music journalism.

These are lines of enquiry that any self-respecting muso would want to avoid at any cost. Not least of all Darkthrone themselves. They decided long ago that they were done with thinking. Nocturno Culto said as much in the 2007 documentary ‘Once Upon a Time in Norway’, stating that “maybe we should just play death metal again. It’s much easier to play death metal, you don’t have to think. People don’t expect you to believe in anything other than the music.” Aside from the part about playing death metal, it’s clear he got his wish. Fenriz also decided long ago that he was done with it all, refashioning his persona around his record collection, a self-styled guru of all things vintage and obscure. And both have been praised at length for lending their legitimacy to the endemic denialism eating away at the core of metal.

There’s something oddly cosy about the release of a new Darkthrone album in this day and age. Whilst their immediate peers find themselves clutching at relevancy…Fenriz and Nocturno Culto have simply been enjoying the hermitic lifestyle they settled into years ago, jamming out a seemingly endless supply of riffs in their garage with nary a second thought for the outside world. (The Quietus)

I don’t blame Darkthrone themselves. They all but define the sound of black metal in the eyes of most. A feat they received little thanks for at the time. And one that all but destroyed Fenriz’s interest in music by the late 90s. That they can get together every few years to write love letters to the music of their youth is not something I would take away from these aging collaborators. But for the rest of us, what’s our excuse?

I get the feeling people need Darkthrone. And it’s not a healthy need. It’s a pathological, regressive, desperately infantile need. I am filled with darkness in it’s presence. The same darkness that’s summoned every time a photo of Corpsegrinder posing with a cuddly toy flitters across my newsfeed. To confront anyone suffering from this psychosis is to already have lost.  

Who would even write a review at this point? You don’t care. I don’t care. And Darkthrone certainly don’t care. (Angry Metal Guy)

There’s a sense in which if you even attempt to apply critical standards you’ve fallen into a trap. You’ve accepted the terms of a debate, the outcome of which is pre-ordained. “You actually took it seriously? You expected something more of it? More fool you.” You might as well critique a fart.

The same nihilism that fuels the Darkthrone roadshow can be found well beyond the borders of metal. I recently read that in 2026, sales of adults buying toys for themselves have exceeded sales of toys for pre-schoolers, with these “Kidults” now making up 28.5% of all toys sold in the US. Childhood is stretched to breaking point as the prospect of home ownership and starting a family drifts over the horizon of possibility. For many, the only available coping mechanism is to gorge on entertainment products that were once designed for kids, supplementing their depleted sense of identity and purpose in the world.

A child assesses the value of a toy on one metric and one metric only: play. This is why critiquing Darkthrone becomes futile. It’s tantamount to taking a toy away from a child. The fact that they are children born in a year starting with a “1” is irrelevant. Like a pathogen, Darkthrone’s kidults have ejected the idea that black metal could or should be remotely questioning, challenging, or risky.

As the band enter their fifth decade of existence, they’re operating with a level of comfort and ease few outfits have ever enjoyed. As Fenriz put it: “We are merely just playing in our own sandbox with full creative control.” (Invisible Oranges)

The deluxe boxset edition of ‘Pre-Historic Metal’ comes with signed trading cards. It’s Darkthrone’s sandbox, we’re just playing in it.